Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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