Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
