My Higher Power is John Stamos
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
3 2 1 whiskey
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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