i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
