I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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