The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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