I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
