I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
