you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
