then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
