You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
