I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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