Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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