Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
