Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
