Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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