We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Sorry my hands just texted you
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
