Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
