Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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