we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
