Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
