goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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