I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
