i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
