Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
