I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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