he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
