Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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