So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
