Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize