Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
