my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
