first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
