Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
im calling her cock vulture from now on
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
