guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
