Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
