Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
