I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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