omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
