I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
