filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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