Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The Olympian is in my bed
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize