shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
