Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
