just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
