Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize