I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
