Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
