she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
