Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
