my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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