My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
