I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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