Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
