those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
