You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
