1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
