dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Even my vagina gasped.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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