So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I have aggressive nipples.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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