I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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