I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
someone owes me an orgasm
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
