I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
