spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
