Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
