what day is it and did you see me today?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
