my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
