If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
