I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
