Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
