my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
